Well it's Sunday again, and I cannot believe this is my fifth week of posting the chapters of Vampire - In the Beginning. I've noticed that time seems to move so quickly, and for me, even more so since I turned 40. It seems as if a simple click of the fingers as passed and suddenly now I'm 43. However, it also makes me realise that life comes and goes so quickly. And just maybe we should not wait until tomorrow to do all of the things we want to do. So, the old saying, 'Don't put off till tomorrow, what you can do today', comes to mind, and this is my thought, and dare I say it, my advice for this week. Love, laugh, have fun, follow your dreams and live your life to the fullest. You only have one life - so make sure you live it :-)
Till next week ta ra,
Charmain x
Chapter
Five
We set out early the next morning, and again I climbed up behind
Robert, immediately setting off at a breakneck speed towards London
In the cold light of day, Robert looked even more intimidating and
handsome than ever, he was like a man mountain, being so tall and broad, and
there was not an ounce of spare fat on his huge frame. His eyes shone like
polished black coal, ringed by very long black lashes, and his skin was
swarthy, shining with perfect health. His perfect features look like they have
been sculpted by an artist, and above all else he exuded enormous power. I contemplate his looks and manner as I cling
to his broad back. I know that in other circumstances I would have been very
attracted to him, and suddenly the realization of what I am thinking hits me
and I feel self-loathing and self-disgust! I am ashamed that I could even think
about finding this man attractive, how was it possible, after I had witnessed
the destruction he and James had wrought on Tom and his family in the
farmhouse?
Suddenly Tom's sweet face drifts into my mind and I feel the evil pain
of loss rise up and sting my eyes with bitter tears. Toms face suddenly
changes, instead of his soft loving smile, I see his tongue protruding from his
mouth, his throat dripping globules of thick blood, and his innards lying
discarded at his feet. Guilt causes my whole body to shiver, for am I not
clinging to the man who discarded Tom’s life - just as a child discards a toy!
How could I? Maybe I should have consented to die, for not only did I betray my
sweet Tom by not dying at his side, but I also betray him by promising his son
to the very man that killed him. What
type of woman was I?
I was so intent on my thoughts that I had failed to notice that Robert
had slowed the horse, or that we now traveled at a slow leisurely walk.
"You must push it from your mind, Gwen." I jumped at the
sound of his voice.
"How do you know what I’m thinking...how?" I ask in
bewilderment.
"Oh, Gwen, I may not be human, but I understand what it is to
love. I feel you cling onto me in pain, and I hear your sobs close to my ear.
It does not take a genius to work out why you cry, and I can tell you that
guilt will destroy you, if you allow it to!”
Although I could not see his face, I heard the compassion in his voice,
and was once again confused by the emotions this man seemed to awake in me.
“If you need someone to blame... Then you must blame me! For I am the
one that took his life...you simply made a choice, a choice that most would
have made...you have nothing to feel guilty about! Ask yourself if Tom would
have made the same decision...and I think you'll find that your heart will tell
you that he would have decided to survive." My tears began to subside, and
I would be lying if I denied that Robert’s words were a comfort to me, because
deep down I knew that he was right. Tom would have made a similar choice, but
knowing this still did not eradicate the guilt or the image of him hanging from
the rafters with his guts spilling out.
"Sometimes we make choices that we subsequently find difficult to
live with, you will live with your decision, Gwen, but it will not be easy."
Anger rose up inside my body like an inferno of flames. "HOW
WOULD YOU KNOW?" I scream at him. The stallion plunged forwards in fear
and shock, almost unseating me, but again I shout, "YOU, WHO NEVER FELT
PAIN OR GUILT... TELL ME HOW WOULD YOU KNOW?"
"Oh I know of the deepest betrayal.” He paused, and then
continued, “and I suffer the guilt of it every day, and will do so
forever." His words hissed in an anguished whisper.
I wanted to ask why he would say such a thing. However, the bunching
of his back muscles and the tone of his voice made it quite clear that it was a
question which would anger him greatly, and so I remained silent, and instead
looked down over the countryside.
I notice the spire of St Paul 's standing proud in the distance, indicating that
we are at last nearing the bustle of London
It is about noon when we finally ride into the stable courtyard of the
stone house, and now that we have drawn up to the house, it looks to be more of
a castle than a manor house. The house was known locally as Vanike Hall, but at
this time I did not know of its name, and so thought of it as 'The Castle'.
Robert abruptly jumped from the stallion and pulled me down beside him;
throwing the reins to a groom, he grabs my hand, and marches me into the house.
The great hall was huge and majestic, adorned by ancient tapestries
and ornate warfare objects; it was magnificent. I was, I guess, completely
overawed by such wealth, but then again the farmhouse was the largest and
grandest house I knew of up until this time in my life.
"Where's Matilda?" Robert bellowed to a passing serving
girl.
"She’s on her way, Master," the girl stuttered back. I
noticed as she turned away that her neck had two small puncture marks just
above the collarbone; and I shuddered in revulsion at the realization that her
blood was obviously a meal for one of the vampires living in the castle!
I hear the sound of footsteps behind me and I turn towards the
staircase that leads up from the great hall. Several well-dressed men and
women, including James, are descending the heavy oak staircase, but none of
them speaks, and they all seem to have their eyes fixed firmly on me - suddenly
I am very afraid. I am in a room full of violent murderers, all of them quite
willing to drain my body of my life’s blood, and I am very scared. What if they suddenly decide that my son
isn’t good enough? I start to think in panic! Was I to be their next meal?
"Calm down," Robert says as he reaches my side, "They
can hear your heart racing, and it will alert them to your fear of them."
I smile a very weak smile, but I am still shaking. I am petrified, but I try
not to show it, and thrusting my head and shoulders back, brace myself to meet
my fears.
I turn back towards the staircase and my eyes are instantly drawn to a
woman far more beautiful and graceful then any of the others walking down the
stairs towards us. She is quite simply the most exquisite being I have ever
seen. She is tall for a woman - I guess not much shorter then Robert, but it's
quite obvious from the way the rich fabric of her perfect gown clings to her
body that her figure is not hindered by her height, and she is elegantly slim
but curvaceous. Her hair, which is a dark coppery red, falls in soft rippling
curls around her face and reaches down to the middle of her back, and her eyes
are a dark flashing green, shining with a luminosity of such intensity, that
even from across the distance between us, they are mesmerizing. Her skin shines
like the palest ivory, and her features are perfectly moulded beauty. I am, I
think, considered by many to be fair and pretty, but I cannot compete with this
woman, and I feel a stab of envy.
I wait, open-mouthed, as she glides to my side. She stares at me
intensely for a few moments and then turns to Robert and says, "So this is
our new brood mare, is it?" I recognize scorn, sarcasm and jealousy in her
words, and I know with absolute certainty that, contrary to Robert’s assurances,
I will not be safe amongst the vampires. I was going to need to be constantly
on guard against this woman - this woman who will take my place - this woman
who will be the mother to my son!
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